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As well as trans individuals, the term can refer to gay men, and was originally used to refer to intersex individuals.
A significant number of Thais perceive kathoeys as belonging to a third gender, including many kathoeys themselves, while others see them as either a kind of man or a kind of woman.
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However, when considering transgender women (Mt F) as a group in Thai society, most refer to themselves as phuying (Thai: ผู้หญิง "women"), with a minority referring to themselves as phuying praphet song (a "second kind of woman") and only very few referring to themselves as kathoey.
Although kathoey is often translated as "transgender" in the English usage, this term is not used frequently in Thailand.
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So it seems to me that the Thai language and therefore Thai mindset is to leave it up to the speaker to decide which gender they want to be identifed as.